The Eye of the Beholder
I was sitting at work and my friend comes over and says ‘where would you place yourself on a scale of 1-100 out of the rest of the girls in the company’. Now I know that what he was really asking is how vain are you? However it got me thinking- this is where that ‘eye of the beholder’ comes into play. Where some people might put me in the top ten, others might put me nearer to the 100 so what is really beautiful?
Could it be the majority of the people’s decision? If 300 people in the company were asked and 200 said top ten and the other 100 said top 100, is the automatic answer the one that the majority went for? Or is it a question that should be rendered impossible? How can anyone say that they are ugly or beautiful when surely it is down to opinion.
It is a bit like the new boots commercial. They have a few different girls all explaining what they think about their face and what they would change/keep. They describe to the camera what they look like-meanwhile there is a professional witness drawer behind a wall drawing what the women describe. Then they get the women to describe each other. The professional drawer presents two different portraits-one of what the individual sees, and another from the point of view of what others see. The difference is huge. The drawing that shows what others think about the person is much more beautiful than the picture the individual describes. What does this show? Well that we all have hang-ups about our appearance but most of the time they are all in our mind or largely emphasised.
How can a man/woman find the ugliest person in the world attractive and yet the most beautiful person in the world ugly? You see this a lot in large work places. Men are always more interested in the girls with the personalities that ‘do not care’ (which are often put in place to attract men). A girl in the company I work for has a tattoo sleeve on her arm, red hair (this week), large curves, a very odd and out there fashion sense-she is considered the best looking person in the building! Yet the girl with the ‘girl next door look’ who is charming, long wavy brunette hair, long legs, classic beautiful face no-one blinks an eyelid towards-very odd!!! Is it the majority vote? If one man says that a girl is attractive than another man will look and agree and so the mexican wave happens.
A more obvious example: (FHM recently published the top 100 sexiest women)
Mila Kunis came top (If you look at Mila without make up and dressed normally she looks really not that attractive!)
Ashley Roberts who is the ‘girl next door’ and classically beautiful (with and without make up) was rated 80/100?!
It has always confused me how the most beautiful woman in the world can have a really hard time finding a boyfriend, and yet someone totally opposite can have alot of men after her.
Before dating websites, it could have been said that it was dependant on what your social life and situation was as to how many men you meet. Yet someone like Cameron Diaz has so many male admirers and is constantly socialising-but she has still been single-and not willingly-for years. We are all picky, some more than others, but surely there is one man out there who can accept her for her? Yet the opposite case would be a woman who has lived in a remote village in the middle of nowhere all her life. With little social life she still manages to meet the man of her dreams and live the rest of her life with him…did she settle? Does Cameron Diaz, or anyone of her stature, have too much choice?
We are programmed to look for better. In the past, if there was a connection between two people, they would not be allowed to ‘date’, instead they would be chaperoned on walks or meetings. They would then expect a proposal from the gentleman within a few days/weeks. This would then be their life partner-simple. They were probably not very happy-especially if the man they had first loved turned out to be someone entirely different, but they did not have a choice. Nowadays this does not exist. Not really. There are still marriages, and most people search for that one true love that they are going to live with, marry and pro-create with. However this is not a ‘must’, people are given a choice now! If their first love is not satisfying enough, they break up. They can go through many partners and continue to look. Is too much choice a bad thing?
I personally think that there is a severe lack of commitment at the moment. Relationships survive on rocky grounds. If one person has an itch they can move on within seconds-there is no truth to promises anymore. One argument could break a relationship! (It is my belief that if you are devoted to one another, one argument no matter how big, should teach you to pull together and work it out. When you have both put in the sufficient amount of trying then you can have the conversation of breaking up-until that point you work together and are open with one another.) Yet people are unsatisfied…they get uneasy-because they have mates who are single or because they know that they do not HAVE to do anything.
So with a lack of commitment and an assortment of choice we are slowly starting to get to a point where committed relationships will be a thing of the past. Eventually we will all be programmed to accept more than one partner, as we will be incapable of loving one person. It is a shame that this is where the world is heading-I miss the romance that Jane Austen explored-but even then the romances of the past conveniently leave out the pain that might have been experienced throughout a marriage when things were not so right between the man and wife.
The Eye of the Beholder is a weird thing but at least it guarantees that women, who may not have superstar looks, can find love. In that respect it is a very magical thing no matter how confusing it might be!
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