Moved in and Married by 23?

Moved in and Married by 23?

Me and my friend were having a long conversation the other day that seems to be on repeat each year. The conversation does not necessarily happen with the same friend, in fact more often than not it is with someone completely different. It is becoming more apparent each day though that this is a topic that is at the front of most 20-30 year olds.

I started going out with my boyfriend a year and a half ago and even then the moment I started going out the pressure started. It normally happens when one of your friends suddenly makes a huge commitment either through moving in with a boyfriend, getting engaged or having a baby. Suddenly so many of my friends, even the ones that I thought were more than comfortable in their relationships and lives, all of them started to doubt where they were at in life, this started to encourage questions such as ‘when is a good time to move in?’ ‘Should I move in with my boy?’ ‘Why am I not engaged?’ ‘Should I be engaged?’. In the space of one hour and finding out the good news of one of your friends you begin to doubt your entire life for the past year and where you should be at instead of where you are actually at.

Yes I admit that I also had this same freak out. It happened about a year ago and I found out my friend from High School was engaged and getting married, immediately I thought that I was in the right place to be getting married as well-I WAS DEFINITELY NOT! Was it jealousy? No because I was very happy for my friend and I did not want to be her or have the same things that were happening to her happen to me, it was merely me thinking that maybe I was in that place as well. Now looking back on those feelings I realise how stupid I was, but apparently I was not alone in these thoughts. These are terribly common.

So why does it happen? Well I don’t really know, I think it is something girls or guys can experience when they feel like they might not be progressing as fast as others. I don’t think that it is because they want to be in the same position but because they feel they might be falling behind. Perhaps there is an unspoken expectation in all of us: that if we are not engaged or at least living together by the age of 25 then we are never going to be in that position. It is completely wrong but normal.

How do you deal with those feelings? Well one thing I will warn you of is something that happened to me. I convinced myself that I was ready for marriage and that I should be engaged, this put a huge pressure on the relationship I had, if my boy wasn’t so strong I think I could have pushed him off the cliff of manipulated doom. Little bit of advice do not allow your feelings of inadequacy to influence potential rush decisions that you might be persuaded to make. Talk them out with your friends, the chances are that they are also feeling a bit of the pressure as well. Plus the more you talk about these things the more you begin to realise just how absurd they are.

There is nothing wrong in moving fast and getting engaged at a young age or moving in, but it is not going to be the same for everyone-if it was this world would be incredibly boring. Everyone goes at their own pace and that is ok and acceptable. Of course at times in your life you may wish you were in another circumstance but that does not mean that it is the right thing or that you should put pressure on that decision-things will happen at their own pace and very rarely can you influence a decision if it is not ready or right….wait….because when it comes time for you to get engaged or move in with the boyfriend it will be unique to you and not just because a load of your friends have just done it!!!!! res


3 thoughts on “Moved in and Married by 23?

  1. Great post! I know this feeling exactly, I was starting to freak out a bit cos all of my friends seem to be settling down with their partners and having babies, and here I am still living at home and single! But you’re right, things happen at the right time for everyone!

    1. Thankyou šŸ™‚
      Unfortunately I think it is so normal to feel like that at some point, but as long as you know that you don’t need to fit the mould of everyone else than nothing can affect you!! (Thats what I think anyway)…

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