Have you ever been Cheated on or Cheated?
Unfortunately this has been an issue for as long as can be remembered. From the past when it was incredibly common and well known knowledge to the future where cheating is a well kept secret. No matter how much I disagree with it, what I want to investigate is who ultimately bears the blame!
So often have I been involved in situations that my friends have been in- where the guy has cheated and instead of blaming him they blame the girl. Is this the right thing?
Take my situation…about three years ago in my first year at Uni, I was going out with a guy who was a total dick. I dated him for three years and he was my first proper long term boyfriend. Within the first 3 weeks of our relationship, I was on his phone calling my mum and a message popped up saying ‘I love you’ from another girl. I questioned him and he burst into tears saying that he wanted me and that he had fallen into the trap of this girl who lived in America. Now I should have cut it off then and there and I regret not doing so, as three years later I found out that he had cheated at least 8 times during our relationship and the last time was with a friend of mine in the bed that me and him had shared the night after.
After 3 years and a few revelations I ended things.
There are quite few reasons that I have heard people/and have used myself in order to justify staying with a ‘cheat’. Let me tell you now there is no excuse. Yes of course when there are children involved, the situation needs to be handled slightly differently. I was with this boyfriend when I was diagnosed with Meningitis and I thought that was reason enough not to let go-because I needed him-the truth: he was just more poison that I did not need to inject. I am not saying that you should not stay with the guy but when someone cheats i do believe that you need to put distance between each other so that they receive a punishment for what they did.
Now I am not afraid to admit that during that relationship I did not blame him at all. I made him regret his decisions, but ultimately I took it out on the girls involved. I assumed they knew what they were getting involved with and were doing it because they did not like me and wanted to punish me.
Looking back I realise how wrong I was.
I am not excusing them, but a few of them were not to blame and it took me years to find out, but at the time I made their lives hell and I take it back. Quite often when we are in these high intense situations where we feel a strong feeling of love towards our partner, we are very quick to judge the other person, because it hurts us to much to acknowledge that someone we love would do that to us.
Don’t get me wrong even to this day I find it hard to trust girls. They seem to be very good at the whole cunning, flirting thing. Often I have found myself in conversations with my best friends discussing how distrusting girls are. Certain women use their good looks and personality to test themselves and increase their ego. A common example of this would be: when they start talking to a good looking guy and know full well that he is in a long term relationship- they test the waters. They do this to see whether this guy, who is very comfortable, would give up everything to be with them. To find out that a guy would willingly sacrifice his life for you is a huge empowering feeling. I think we have all been there, whether we have known what we are doing or not.
I fully admit that I have had guy best friends, who I thought I could get away with being close with, and yet I did not notice when it went too far. When the friendship looked more like a relationship.
Of course there are a few women out there who are nasty and manipulative. Often they tend to have led particularly easy lives and are very well rehearsed in getting what they want, when they want. You can often point them out very easily.
So with this in mind, how do you deal with the above situations?
Well the one thing that having quite a few boyfriends has taught me is that if the guy is going to cheat, it does not matter who the girl is. They are weak. If a guy cheats on you it is not right to stay with them. What I mean by this is that the important thing is to make sure that they are well aware of what they could have lost. So even if you break up with them for a week or a year they need to feel the punishment for their actions. If you take them back without a break or a bit of distance, no matter how sorry they are, then they will subconsciously know that they have got away with it. Yes I do think guys can change-I have seen proof, and it normally happens when the guy has matured.
Who do you blame if they cheat?
Well firstly it takes two to tango. This is something everyone should know. Yes it is going to be different for each person because there are stronger feelings involved for one person. However what you have to do is allow yourself to make a decision when you are relatively calm. No you should not let the girl or the guy get away with it. Even if the girl was not aware that they were not single you still need to let them know that what they did was wrong. In this case it makes the other girl stronger and encourages them to check further to see if the next guy they are with has a partner. Don’t punish the girl. Even if it hurts more to tell the guy off you have to consider what the true circumstances were, even if it means getting his friends to tell you what happened. Only when you have all of the correct details will you be able to make a proper decision about what you are going to do.
At the end of the day the last person that you want to hurt is yourself. If people cheat then they will learn at some point that their actions are not ok. The last thing you need to do is endure the agony of someone else’s mistake. Although it will hurt like hell it will make you stronger in the long run, and lets be honest the last thing you want to do is stay with someone who is not 100% devoted to you and you alone.
If a friend is involved within the cheating scandal, then i hate to say it, but they are not your true friend. People who love their friends and respect them will not act in any way that might hurt their friendship. A true friend will be there for you and will always take your side. They may be friends with your boyfriend but they will willingly drop them in a second to support you and help through the difficult times. The last thing they do is become negatively involved within the situation.
Break Ups and being cheated on is one of the worst feelings in the world, and no matter what anyone may say or do it will never take away the agony. However over time it does get better and you start to develop a hindsite which will help you in future. We only learn through our mistakes, therefore allow this to make you a stronger person. If this guy can’t treat you right then the next guy you go out with will because you deserve that.
- He Cheated But I’m Not Leaving (everythinggirlslove.com)
- The reason we cheat (tanyamaydaniuk.wordpress.com)
- 10 signs your girlfriend/Wife is cheating on you (nikkyslovecorner.wordpress.com)
- Spilling the beans on…cheating (jenspillsthebeans.wordpress.com)
- Mistresses (joc267.wordpress.com)
- 5 Signs Your Boyfriend Iѕ Cheating – And What Tо Dо Abоut It (howtofindifyourboyfriendischeating.wordpress.com)
- All about toxic relationships and how to let go (happinessweekly.org)
- Its time for me to walk away : I am alright!!! (blogdivinemisst.wordpress.com)
- Love & Sassiness: A Tale of Confucius (allthingssass.com)
- He cheated (thescienceofyouth.wordpress.com)