He Was Perfect….Or Was He?
I have had a really interesting experience talking to a new friend of mine regarding a break up.
I have only ever had one break up with someone that I considered perfect for me and it was hell.
This is the worst break up you can have in my opinion. You pretty much give up everything for this person. You cannot breathe unless they are there. To you they are everything. So when something happens that shocks you to the core and changes your life around it is devastating. You are rendered lost and alone. You are filled with unanswered questions..why? how? what? None of these though will ever have answers. Even if you are lucky enough to get the *perfect* guy to answer them each individually and factually. The answers will not mean anything to you, because in your head and heart you think you know the guy inside and out and the questions make you realise that he was not the person you really loved…the last thing you want is to think that you were blind in the relationship.So instead you punish yourself even more by blaming you! You blame yourself for any little thing that you could have done differently that might have changed the outcome of the situation.
How do you survive the World’s Worst Break Up?
First of all you have to realise the truth:
LIFE IS UNFAIR-IT SUCKS.
We are all trying to survive and put up with what we have got. Life is a bitch and always will be, it is a constant battle to achieve anything that we want and if we do we all know that the happiness will last for about a few months..if we are lucky…before something creeps up behind us and slaps us in the face.
Yes people might think this is a very pessimistic way of looking at life, but actually I believe that this is a realistic approach. We are all survivors and have a built in complex to deal with pain and suffering..it is only a matter of finding the core to that strength and letting it help us.
I believe that we all have our own path, we may not see it, but it is there right in front of us. You do not have a shelf life! Who made the decision that everyone needed to be married with kids at 30? It’s not true! You are you, your life is different to everyone else’s.
If you are in the perfect relationship the chances are that there are a few holes that you might not be aware of-whether it is that you argue and bicker a lot, or maybe it is the fact that you do not have sex. What ever it is it makes the relationship not perfect and the reason we convince ourselves that it is- is because we want our happy ever after. That is not a negative thing to want, but it makes life harder when that Happy Ending is broken for some reason.
The harsh reality of life always has a way of surprising us when we least expect it.
Nobody is perfect, it can come close, but nothing will ever be 100% perfect in every way. I wish I could write this blog and tell you that we are all disney characters with happy endings, but we are not. Instead we have to find our own peace within a harsh and cruel world.
So how do you cope?
Allow yourself to change your mind by saying these over and over in your head:
He cannot have been perfect because of…..
She was definitely not perfect because she did this…..
It sounds so simple but psychologically this allows yourself to put the blame on to someone other than yourself. It allows you to get angry. Anger is a motivation. That is why they say it comes after sadness. Sadness makes you lethargic (not wanting to get up etc).
Understand what you are going through. Break ups hurt like hell. Give yourself a week or two weeks where you are allowed to cry and mope. As soon as that third week starts cleanse yourself: get rid of all of the pictures, memories etc. Get a new phone with a new number. Give yourself the break and the space you need to get better.
Because the truth is during a break up you are not well.
Last of all:
YOU ARE GOING TO BE FINE!
So right now:
Do not break out the wine-last thing you need is alcohol-instead put on the happiest films in the world. In this case box sets work like a treat-FRIENDS OR WILL AND GRACE.
Hold a pillow/cushion/teddy very tightly (why does this work? Well it works like a stress ball. You put all your strength and emotions into that one thing. It is meant to take away half the anxiety and stress going through your brain just by distracting and putting pressure onto something)
EAT CHOCOLATE-Proven Happy maker!
- 30 things to stop doing to yourself (indulgeblog.com)
- Emergency preparedness with best survival food (survivalkitsblog.wordpress.com)
- The 7 Secrets of Highly Happy People (lifehack.org)
- Attitude is Everything (thejourneyofsarahk.wordpress.com)
- Are You A Relationship Martyr? 10 Ways To Tell and Break Out (psychologytoday.com)
- Day 418 Pulling myself out of Anger (aldinsjourneytolife.wordpress.com)
- Day Four – A Night in a Hotel (angrybeeornottobee.wordpress.com)
- Guilt After Betrayal (psychologytoday.com)
- Love and Break-ups (callitanythingbutlove.wordpress.com)
- Are You Living in a False Realm? (horseproblemsolved.com)