When Friends Get in the Way

When Friends Get in the Way

So often have I been having a conversation with someone about not seeing enough of a friend, because she is so attached to her boyfriend, throughout my life this has been a topic.

Do you remember those old days when you were in the playground and you or one of your friends was going out with a guy at the same school. Within a matter of days of dating the couple become inseparable and she quickly makes friends with his friends and you gradually start to see her less and less- until they break up.

As you get older this continues, although it becomes less of a problem…or does it?

Let’s look at it another way.

Have you ever been single and all of your friends have got boyfriends or vice versa. In that situation you feel alone and isolated because you are not going through the same experiences as the people around you. Depending on how this affects you it will resurrect itself in two ways. You will either make new friends who are in the same position or you will get depressed and try and actively get your friends to be single or you yourself get a boyfriend.

Yet we never hear the other side. T

he complaints will always come from one side but hardly ever do you hear about the newly coupled up and their opinions and it always makes me wonder what the other side are saying.

I’m gonna paint you a picture:

Your best mate has just recently, after a year of being single, found ‘The One’. You are very happy for her but you have gone from seeing her three times to no calls/texts and definitely no meet ups. You begin to feel a little rejected but at the same time you really do not want to make a fuss- as its nice to see her happy. 

Now this is a normal situation where suddenly someone gets a boyfriend and they want to spend all their time together…let’s switch it around:

Your best mate has just become single and she keeps trying to get you to go out. You live with your long term boyfriend of a few years and have never been much of a party animal, but you feel really bad for her. Sympathizing for her situation you go out about three times, before your boyfriend sits you down and tells you that you do not have to do anything you do not want to do. Suddenly you realise he is right. How can you tell her that she is getting in the way? 

This is the kind of situation that I assume goes on all the time, but because she already has a partner in crime that she can tell all her worries to, instead of it getting out it remains silent. 

The complexity of a friendship has always baffled me, they change throughout life.

My best friends are not the same as my best friends when I was younger.

The friends I made in the first year of Uni are not the same as the friends I lived with in the third year.

Unfortunately throughout life relationships change. Sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worst.

There are so many different ways that a friendship can fall apart, most of the time it is because lives change and people grow. Priorities become different as you grow up and your immediate friends will change.

There are some people who are very lucky in life and remain close to people for years and years. One thing I have learnt is to treasure the friends that you keep hold of through all the changes in life, they are the strongest bonds you will get who will know you inside out. 

Due to the complex lives that we lead and emotions that get in the way, all the time we lose people from our lives constantly. The one thing though that I have learnt through my job and will always remember through life is that no matter who you are or where you are it is ok not to have lots of friends. 

As part of my job I go through a very famous band’s fan mail and, the amount of letters that I read from people that suffer in life- through lack of people to talk to is unbelieveable. Although I would love to answer all of them and tell them what I think, I know that at the end of the day they would rather hear from the band.

However I hope that just these few words might reach out to a few of those people….

IT IS OK TO HAVE ONE FRIEND

IT IS OK TO NOT HAVE ANY FRIENDS

IT IS OK FOR YOUR BEST FRIEND TO BE APART OF YOUR FAMILY

The common mis-perception in this world is that the more friends you have the more popular you become. I was never popular when I was younger and I did not have any best friends until I got older. Yet now people might look at me and say that ‘I am cool’ just because I work in the Music business and alongside famous people all the time.

The truth is I am not cool, I am not popular and the best bit is I don’t want to be-granted it took me a long time to realise this, but I did.

You do not have to be popular to succeed in life, the chances are the people you think are above you in life will actually be the ones in a few years time to be messaging you- asking for favours or jobs. 

I must have received at least 30 emails from people that were not nice to me at Uni and School, all asking for jobs or ‘meet and greets’ and the best bit is? I am not mean, I do not believe in ‘an eye for an eye’ but I cannot help feeling pleased when I write an apology back saying there are no job opportunities at the moment.

However this is where I differ, although I feel good about ‘getting my own back’ I will always try my hardest to give them at least one contact or ‘meet and greet’ because I like to think that I take the high road. 

highRoad

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