Oh What A Night!
Do you ever have that sinking feeling?
When you finally look at the Theatre tickets that you spent a fortune on and you notice the bit that says upper circle or restricted view? If the first sighting of the tickets is not enough to make your heart sink, then it will definitely be the view of the seats you are going to be spending the next two hours sitting in.
The deadly Upper Circle.
The highest you can get before you find yourself on the roof of the Theatre.
Any view of the stage is a mere line and all the actors look like ants. The highly over priced binoculars offer little consolation given the fact that they cost a fortune, and they only make an actors head big enough for you to realise that they actually do have a body, and are not just little floating heads prancing around a stage.
As I take my seat in the middle of the Upper circle with a deathly drop ahead of me, I could not help feeling that if I was to suddenly faint I would most definitely die.
Morbid thinking but inevitable when the drop is so severe that you can almost see your life flashing before your eyes the moment you take your seat. You would think that this fear of falling a good few miles to your death would be taken away when the lights go out, but instead it accelerates and you deliberately lock your body into a position so that you don’t by mistake move and fall harshly to your impending death.
The only thing that could make these seats better would be if it was comfortably warm.
It was as if the heavens had decided to not answer my prayer because right at that moment the air shafts opened and in came the torrential freezing cold wind.
Most people would flag down an usher the moment they felt the cold sensation. Not Me. Instead I sat through 1 hour and half of a play that was funny, but instead of laughing I was to aware of my body shutting down due to the coldness. It had got so bad that I actually had my coat right up to my ears whilst I breathed hot air down through my dress trying to warm up my chest to allow it to continue breathing.
Was I being Highly Dramatic? Hell yeh I was but I also believe it was called for given the circumstances. I had paid money to see this show and I had a complete sense of humour failure due to the level of freezing cold air blowing down on me for the whole performance.
I was deliberating for a good 20 mins prior to the interval whether I should just go home and cuddle up in my bed with a hot water bottle and a blanket as well as my onesie, or should I bite the bullet and say something. I decided I did not pay this amount to leave early so I went straight to the source, that being the Manager. As I stood in front of him shivering with my coat fully done up to just under my chin and my hands blue and cold to touch I was greeted by some of the strangest looks I have ever got.
However I did get a free cup of coffee…which I must admit a play based on a farce, enjoyed with fresh coffee in your system, is hilarious.
I spent the whole of the second half still freezing my balls off but caffeined to the max which presented itself in a shivering wreck. I swear to this day that if I had spent any more time in that Theatre I would have contracted frost bite.
Did they turn the air conditioning (that’s right air conditioning- in the Winter- in England??!!) off? Don’t be silly, if anything I am convinced they turned it on even more so that I was getting a full blast gale rather than little puffs of freezing air.
Was the play worth that punishment? NO!
- Light snow in northeastern Colorado today, freezing cold tonight (denverpost.com)
- Feeling cold in Joburg! (rebekkahbarbuscia.wordpress.com)
- John Kander: I’m a healthy guy, why would I stop? (telegraph.co.uk)
- Photo Flash Special: Up on the Marquee- Fall 2013 Edition (broadwayworld.com)
- Donmar Warehouse takes a bite out of the Big Apple (standard.co.uk)
- The Historic DeSoto Theatre Foundation Announces it’s Name-A-Seat Campaign! (romelittletheatre.wordpress.com)
- hot water bottle tummy fetish (rubberhotwaterbottle.wordpress.com)
- The pro’s of being a fatty. (becray15.wordpress.com)
- Questions and Introductions from a Theatre Kid (hastac.org)
- Life is a cabaret for Rufus Norris, next boss of the National Theatre (standard.co.uk)